Hillary Potter and the Deathly Howler

Timotonous Kaine. He would help Hillary Potter vanquish Don Marvolo Trump, known in popular parlance as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Elected. As the definitive Hufflepuff, Kaine had the genuineness and the strength of character to resist Trump's trollish howls and perhaps even help prevent undecided members of the wizarding population from falling victim to Trump's projections of terror and assurances of salvation.

Trump had to be stopped. He had won many followers already with his promise to erect a massive wall to keep muggles out, not to mention his advocacy for the surveillance and persecution of wizards who came from "impure" wizarding backgrounds. Now Hillary Potter and Timotonous Kaine were the only thing that stood between him and absolute dominance of the wizarding world. A terrifying thought.

Though Hillary knew this was a battle she could win, it would not be easy. Trump's howling was a force of super-nature. Despite his comical appearance and way of speaking -- or perhaps, in part, because of them -- Trump had an unusual gift for influencing the minds of other wizards and confounding his opponents by weaving tangled webs of untruths and hexes every time he gaped his mouth open. As though that terrifying quality weren't enough, his intangible, flaming hair had caused enough confusion and terror to send more than one wizard to the infirmary.

And now Trump had another asset: Mike Pent. Pent, whose wizarding career had been in a tailspin at that point, agreed to sign on as Trump's lackey. Trump grafted the desperate wizard to the back of his head, guaranteeing that Pent would be behind Trump at every turn, looking back at Trump's followers and using his calming, conventional features and traditional background to reassure the conservative wizarding establishment that Trump was their man.

Hillary packed her wand, broom, and scar ointment in preparation for the long fight ahead of her.


Story, cartoons, and calligraphy by Jeremy Pegg.

Hillary Potter and the Boredom of the Phoenix



Hillary Potter stood at the precipice of a precipitous decision. The Democratic Magical Convention was three weeks away and she still didn’t have a date. She had options: There was Julian Caster, a fellow Gryffindor, who certainly had promise. But Caster was only a first-year at Hogwarts, and Hillary had no idea how he would perform on the magical stage. Elizabeth Warlock -- an ambitious Ravenclaw prefect -- would turn some heads, but the two strong-willed wizards found each other unpleasant on a personal level.

That left Hillary with one obvious, safe choice: Timotonous Kaine from Hufflepuff. Yes, he was dull, and not particularly pleasing to the eye. But everybody seemed to agree that -- aside from Helga Hufflepuff herself -- there had never been a Hufflepuff as "Hufflepuff" as Timotonous Kaine. He was loyal and honest to a fault, and had been a major supporter of Hillary’s since the beginning of what had turned out to be a particularly tough year for her.

Perhaps Kaine did have a sort of handsomeness to him, Hillary thought, as she mulled him over in her mind. Yes, she thought, his down-to-earth way of speaking and easy-going manner had helped him win a lot of friends, while avoiding ruffling any feathers. Perhaps she would go with the safe choice after all.


Story, calligraphy, and cartoons by Jeremy Pegg.